Dealing with her infidelity

From original journal entry, early marriage days

It's been 4 months of fighting the demons in my mind and the visuals of what Lynn had been doing with those two other men. I've been really hot and cold about it, some days being okay and even having her detail every act she performed with them while we were fucking, to being upset and not liking her at all. I know divorce isn't the answer... I love her and I do know she loves me, as we always have. When I ask her why she cheated, she said it wasn't for boyfriend/companionship/romance but for male companionship for sex. I asked her point blank if she did it solely because she wanted cock and to fuck. She admitted that she was hungry for cock. So I tried to rationalize in my mind that hey I was her first for sex, so it was I who taught her to love fucking, to crave cock. So is it my fault??

I'm not about to split up with her. I need to come to accept it for what it was and deal with those demons occupying my mind, to befriend them I guess. I'm going to have Lynn fuck them in front of me, to show me every sexual act with them, so they are no longer what-ifs but are real and true.

Part of me wants to get back at her by shaming her into fucking in front of me like a slut. I need to get her to contact them...